Why Are They Famous?
Eliot Spitzer: Puritanism Gone Wild
By Jabulani Leffall
Mar 17, 2008

Next we have an in-depth essay on the effects of partisan politics -- the moral conundrums therein -- and how bi-lateral coalitions of state legislatures……..

Yeah okay, ZZZZZZZZZ. Stop right there.  

This is a test people. It’s only a test.

Yes, indeed a true/false test comes to mind and it seems that America seems to fail every time and every time America fails it seems to be so put off by the failure, as if its never happened before and, stemming from outrage, will never happen again. 

True: Former New York Governor Eliot Spitzer’s dalliances with a call girl were a shock to and blight on the unassailable, unimpeachable, beyond reproach democratic system. 

False: Spitzer as a purveyor of goodness, righteousness, moral standing and family values is no different from the irony found in the scandals involving: Prohibition-era lush Warren G. Harding, Anti-gay, Toe-Tapping Idaho Senator Daniel Craig, Anti-totalitarian bully Richard Nixon and Sea-faring family values man Gary Hart.

Somehow, sadly, the media, pundits and politicians who speak on tragedy instead of precedents, in real-time instead of in context always choose true, which in case you haven’t noticed, is false. 

Time after time, politicians have been exposed for the fakes that they are more specifically the cognitive dissidence and moral and spiritual inner-warfare displayed by their seemingly doubled-lived actions. 

Politicians and prostitutes are like cocaine and Hollywood, pop culture and electronic cannibalism. These three pairings are all alike. They are all similar in the sense that not everyone partakes but you’d be surprised at the number who do and even more appallingly so at the number of people in those inner-sanctums who are witnesses to the cycle of decadence, know its effects and do nothing to change the system.

Back to Spitzer and how he made it rain on them “hoes.” A little background: As Don Vito Corleone once said, “girls and gambling are harmless vices, forbidden to the people by the pesanavante (or political and aristocratic establishment) and the church. For the most part, this is true except when families are involved. Either way these things should be private matters, brought to light by lazy journalists and political operatives with agendas who can’t seem to stick to the issues.

Mind you, I’m not in anyway condoning politicians doing illegal things -- kind of like lying to Congress about weapons of mass destruction or something like that -- but this is not an aberration, not an isolated incident by a perverted hypocrite of a man who wanted to lace chicks with no condom. No, this is business as usual and I hate to break it to you this way. The call girl’s MySpace page is getting more page views then a sightseer who has gone to NBC studios too much.

Amid the pictures of hooters on a boat and how an All-American girl who decides to make more per hour than centerfold models essentially doing the same thing, almost no one’s emphasizing the use of tax dollars for trim. I guess this is not, to pardon the phrase, sexy enough. You tellin’ me no one knew before now?! Come on.

Case in point, Spitzer’s bordello boudoir of choice was housed in the Mayflower Hotel – Pilgrims, Puritans, Mayflower, feel me on this one! As a one who in the past worked within and on the fringes of the beltway in Washington D.C., I happen to know that the Mayflower is the favorite weekend and weekday night getaway for lost liaisons, lunchtime snacks, non-alcoholic night caps and the literal consummating of relationships between lobbyists and policymakers, journalists and (clearing throat) sources. Call it the "Congress of Carnal Filibusters". This is one of those things that’s known but never talked about.

Hence, timing is everything and someone had been sitting on a political lottery ticket and decided to cash it in at a crucial moment. Welcome to the cynics corner. Here’s what I think happened in a fictional, yet symbolic conference call:

Wall Street Powerbroker: Whew, got those subprime hearings coming up. 

Democratic party boss: Yeah I know. 

Wall Street Powerbroker: And the good old trustbuster is going to grandstand as usual. 

Democratic party boss: Yeah I know. 

Wall Street Powerbroker: With everything that’s going on with the economy, we kinda need a break. 

Democratic party boss: Yeah I know. 

Wall Street Powerbroker: Far be it from me to try to ruin someone’s life (smirks). But seriously, everybody knows the guy’s at the Mayflower every chance he gets. I oughtta know ‘cuz I was there.

Both: (Laughing) 

Wall Street Powerbroker: Look, we got bellhops, we got logon IDs. I mean here’s a guy who prosecuted prostitutes and now he wants to play crusader at the hearing. 

Democractic party boss: Yeah I know. 

Wall Street Powerbroker: Guy’s gotta go. 

Democratic party boss: Yeah (pause, feigning regret) … I know 

In 2002 when I profiled Spitzer in Variety, I treated his trustbuster mentality comprehensively but delicately, knowing all the while that for a rich man’s son, prosecuting other rich people was not culled from a sense of duty and goodness but used as a tool for political advancement. I all but predicted he was running for governor and now the media whore is dissected by the media for buying a whore with tax money.

The pundits may again appear shocked, I’m not, not when the country keeps marking "true" given that the world of politics are and were so inherently "false." This has been true ever since Puritans burned thier mistresses to save their marriages, putting them on the same stake with women who decided to learn to read, casting them both aside as witches. This is our legacy. Nothing old, nothing new.

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