Wi-Fi is one of those basic human needs that, like sex, you should never have to pay for.
A few years ago there was an episode of Sex and the City in which Carrie Bradshaw surmised that everyone who sat in Starbucks with a laptop was actually someone who had just had fight with their boyfriend or girlfriend and was killing time until they could go back into their apartment. With the ubiquity of Wi-Fi in New York City, it’s time to amend that theory. Everyone with a laptop in a coffee chop is now someone who’s too cheap to pay for Internet in his or her apartment.
I am one of those people.
Don’t get me wrong. For years I paid to have a little white cord plug into my PC which still ran Windows 98. It was a perfectly sensible way to check e-mail and find movie times. A few weeks ago, though, I got a new, shiny laptop with a huge screen and a kick-ass Wi-Fi card. It can pick up a signal anywhere: in a Dunkin Donuts, in the suburbs, even in my marble-walled lobby. Why should I keep paying Time Warner when I can pick up a signal from the local Department of Transportation or someone named Dan on First Avenue? After all, Wi-Fi is one of those basic human needs that, like sex, you should never have to pay for.
Which is exactly why T-Mobile is the devil. I’ve never been a huge fan of Starbucks and it has been almost a year since I’ve had one of their coffee drinks. (It’s a long story involving converting to decent java after an impromptu trip to Paris.) Nevertheless, people still like to meet up at Starbucks’ dens of sin and I oblige, sipping a water the whole time.
My suffering increased when I realized one day that I couldn’t get onto the Internet at a Starbucks in Union Square. They installed T-Mobile’s inane system of paying for Internet. Initially it seemed like a great reason to never set foot in Starbucks again, but then I noticed a few other small, independent coffee shops also subscribed to T-Mobile. Yes, I know that you can choose other signals to tag onto, but it takes a while for them to come in, and sometimes those signals are weak. When that happens I am forced to pack it up and find a new locale, all the while shaking my fist at T-Mobile. The situation is dire in airports, where T-Mobile has a monopoly over the airwaves and travelers have no choice but to pay for McInternet. It’s downright communist.
Luckily, not all of America has been stained by the hand of T-Mobile. It’s easy to find the Wi-Fi hotspots in your neighborhood. Simply walk past any coffee shop and count how many laptops are lined up along the front window. If it’s more than two, you’re in business. Most places with a good signal advertise it in an effort to get you to come in and drink coffee and eat pastry. Of course, just because you’ve brought in some business doesn’t mean you can mistake the shop for your living room. This afternoon while tapping away at a café’s front counter, a young man sat next to me with his PowerBook. He seemed friendly enough, until I noticed an odd smell. Upon packing up my gear a few minutes later, I realized he was sitting Indian style on his stool and he was barefoot. Whatever happened to No Shirts, No Shoes, No Service? Someone should have pulled the plug on him.
I don’t know if I’ll ever actually pay for a hook-up in my home again, and I live in a basement apartment where no signals come in. Writers live a solitary life during the day, and I like the act of getting up, going out, and setting up shop around other human beings. For quick e-mail checks, I bring my machine one flight up to my lobby, where I sit on the stairs and say hello to everyone as they wait for the elevator. Some people actually stop and chat, fascinated that I can get a signal in the lobby. Perhaps they should petition the property manager for a communal lobby computer for checking e-mail and the like?
Or maybe management should spring for free Wi-Fi in the building. Rent being what it is, I’m sure they could handle it, and it would be one less expense for the rest of us.
Dispatches from NYC is a bi-weekly commentary on America's largest city and its impact on the wider world.
